This week's UK TV & radio

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Listings for Paramount on Thursday, September 27 2018

06:00Teleshopping Teleshopping. 
08:00My Wife And Kids The Lady is Not a Tramp Vanessa and Junior get a dog to help prepare for the coming baby. Kady is allergic to the dog, so Jay makes Junior give Kady her allergy medications. (S4, E12) 
08:35My Wife And Kids Of Mice and Men When Jay finds mouse droppings, she demands that Michael hire an exterminator to get rid of them, but, as usual, Michael is determined to handle it himself. (S4, E13) 
09:00The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Love Hurts While Will and Lisa are on a date, another guy starts to pick on them. Lisa steps in and uses self-defence techniques to get rid of the heckler. Will is embarrassed. (S5, E09) 
09:30The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Will's Up the Dirt Road Will decides that it is time to find a job. When he becomes interested in journalism, he proposes an idea for a book - entitled 'Celebrities Houses... At Night'. (S5, E10) 
10:00Scrubs My Best Friend's Baby's Baby and My Baby's Baby J.D. and Kim start contemplating their future, while Turk rushes Carla to the hospital after she goes into labour, and Jordan gets angry. (S6, E02) 
10:30Scrubs My Coffee J.D. and Kim are surprised by how much they have in common, after having her baby Carla doesn't want to return to work and the Janitor leads a strike of the support staff. (S6, E03) 
11:00Friends: Season 9 The One With Rachel's Dream After seeing Joey act out a romantic scene for Days Of Our Lives, Rachel starts to have feelings for him. (S9, E19) 
11:30Friends: Season 9 The One With The Soap Opera Party Ross gets a crush on another professor, Charlie, who has only ever dated "Nobel Prize" winners. Meanwhile, Chandler attends a disturbing one-woman play. (S9, E20) 
12:00Friends: Season 9 The One With The Fertility Test Chandler and Monica's nervous visit to a fertility clinic is made even more uncomfortable by the unexpected appearance of Chandler's ex...Janice! (S9, E21) 
12:30Friends: Season 9 The One With The Donor Disappointed to learn that they cannot conceive a baby naturally, Monica and Chandler 'interview' Chandler's co worker (John Stamos) as a potential sperm donor. (S9, E22) 
13:00Gilmore Girls Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out Who can finally get Rory thinking she made a big mistake dropping out of Yale? An old flame returns with exciting news about his life... (S6, E08) 
14:00Friends: Season 10 The One After Joey and Rachel Kiss Ross and Joey both try to confess to each other about their new relationships with Charlie and Rachel. However, only one of them comes clean... (S10, E01) 
14:35Friends: Season 10 The One Where Ross is Fine Rachel, Joey and Charlie attend a dinner party at Ross' apartment, but they fear for his state of mind when he overindulges in wine, song and laughter. (S10, E02) 
15:05Friends: Season 10 The One With Ross's Tan Ross goes to a tanning salon but fails to follow the "simple" instructions. Meanwhile, Rachel and Joey struggle to make the transition from friends to lovers. (S10, E03) 
15:30Friends: Season 10 The One With the Cake On Emma's first birthday, Rachel convinces everyone to delay their plans so they can attend her party but plans go awry when a promiscuous birthday cake arrives... (S10, E04) 
16:00Impractical Jokers: Season 10 The guys compete in a "try not to laugh" challenge while calling out ridiculous names the other guys have written for them, and then compete to see whose online dating profile is better. (S10, E06) 
16:30Impractical Jokers: Season 10 The guys compete in a waiting room in the first ever four-way challenge, ask park-goers if they agree or disagree on an odd topic, and try to lead a kid's art class as the teachers. (S10, E07) 
17:00Friends: Season 10 The One Where Rachel's Sister Baby-sits Rachel's self indulgent sister (Christina Applegate) visits and despite Ross' protests, Rachel lets her babysit Emma. (S10, E05) 
17:30Friends: Season 10 The One With Ross's Grant Ross applies for a paleontology grant and finds out that Charlie's ex-boyfriend, Benjamin Hobart (Greg Kinnear), reviews the applications. (S10, E06) 
18:00Friends: Season 10 The One With the Home Study Monica and Chandler nervously prepare for a visit from an adoption worker, who confides that she slept with, and was then dumped, by a guy named "Joey". (S10, E07) 
18:30Friends: Season 10 The One With the Late Thanksgiving Monica prepares a fabulous Thanksgiving feast for the gang, but she becomes furious when everyone arrives late to the gathering. (S10, E08) 
19:00Friends: Season 10 The One With The Birth Mother Monica and Chandler travel to Ohio to meet a pregnant woman, Erica (Anna Farris), who is considering them to adopt her child when it's born. (S10, E09) 
19:30Friends: Season 10 The One Where Chandler Gets Caught Rachel and Phoebe see Chandler getting into a car with another woman. After following him to the suburbs, they suspect he might be cheating. (S10, E10) 
20:00Pixels Film When aliens attack the Earth, using video games as the models for their assaults, Sam (Adam Sandler), Will (Kevin James), Ludlow (Josh Gad), and Eddie (Peter Dinklage) must save the world! (2015) 
22:00New: South Park The boys are back as South Park returns with brand new episodes, exclusive to Comedy Central! Season 22 sees the unrivalled comedy still as crude, rude and relevant as ever 
22:30South Park: Ultimate Episodes Fishsticks Jimmy is angry that Cartman tries to take credit for a joke he created that is now sweeping the nation. But an angry Kanye West just can't get his head around the punch line. (S13, E05) 
23:00South Park: Ultimate Episodes Medicinal Fried Chicken Cartman is furious to find that his favourite restaurant has been turned into a medical marijuana dispensary. Randy is less disappointed. (S14, E03) 
23:30South Park: Ultimate Episodes Crack Baby Athletic Association Kyle discovers Cartman volunteering with crack babies at the local hospital and his suspicions are raised. What part does Slash (Guns n Roses) play in this? (S15, E05) 
00:00South Park: Ultimate Episodes A Nightmare On Face Time Randy is excited to buy the bargain of the century - a Blockbuster video rental store for $10,000! But all is not as it seems at this isolated, wintry place. (S16, E12) 
00:30South Park: Ultimate Episodes Black Friday (1): With the biggest shopping day of the year fast approaching, Wizard Cartman deems it necessary, in a Game of Thrones fashion, to form alliances - the Xbox One shall be his! (S17, E07) 
01:00The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Love Hurts While Will and Lisa are on a date, another guy starts to pick on them. Lisa steps in and uses self-defence techniques to get rid of the heckler. Will is embarrassed. (S5, E09) 
01:30The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Will's Up the Dirt Road Will decides that it is time to find a job. When he becomes interested in journalism, he proposes an idea for a book - entitled 'Celebrities Houses... At Night'. (S5, E10) 
02:00South Park: Ultimate Episodes The Cissy Cartman has a plan in order to poo whenever he wants! Though Wendy might have something to say about it. Randy is harbouring a giant secret and the pressure is getting to him. (S18, E03) 
02:30South Park: Ultimate Episodes Sponsored Content Jimmy's integrity as a newsman runs smack into PC Principal's ideology. Meanwhile, Presidential candidate Mr Garrison is approached by an old friend with alarming news. (S19, E08) 
03:00South Park: Ultimate Episodes Skank Hunt Stan, Kyle, and Kenny decide to take down Cartman, whom they believe to be the Internet troll. Meanwhile, the real troll (Kyle's dad!) begins to spread his trolling globally. (S20, E02) 
03:25South Park: Ultimate Episodes Put It Down Tweek is freaking everybody out over the North Korea nuke stand-off; could cupcakes be the answer? Cartman throws a wobbly when his attention seeking suicide rants are ignored. (S21, E02) 
03:50New: The Daily Show Brand new and exclusive. Joining Trevor is the man who created the home computer revolution - Bill Gates. Now co-chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation charity. 
04:15Malcolm In The Middle Reese Joins the Army (Part 2): The company uses Hal as a scapegoat and Lois becomes more mentally unstable. Meanwhile, Reese becomes a top-class soldier in training and embarks on a mission. (S5, E22) 
04:35Malcolm In The Middle Reese Comes Home (Part 3): Reese, as soon as he lands in Afghanistan, panics and deserts the army. Lois, having recovered from her mental breakdown, sets off on a mission to find him. (S6, E01) 
05:00Teleshopping Teleshopping. 
06:00Teleshopping Teleshopping.