This week's UK TV & radio

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Listings for Paramount on Saturday, February 17 2018

06:00Teleshopping Teleshopping. 
08:00The Middle Valentine's Day IV Axl finds a way to make money from Valentine's Day breakups, Sue gets a surprise date for the dance, and Frankie gets in trouble for throwing away Brick's art. (S4, E15) 
08:35The Middle Valentine's Day VI Brick learns that his quirky girlfriend wants him to kiss her on Valentine's Day. Axl struggles with the fact that his girlfriend doesn't want to do anything romantic. (S6, E13) 
09:00Friends: Season 2 The One Where Ross Finds Out A drunken Rachel is persuaded to call Ross and reveal her feelings for him on his answering machine. Now, Ross must make a decision between her and Julie. (S2, E07) 
09:30Friends: Season 2 The One With The List Joey and Chandler try to help Ross with his decision to date either Julie or Rachel by making a list of the pros and cons about each. (S2, E08) 
10:00Friends: Season 2 The One With Phoebe's Dad Phoebe tries to track down her real father. Meanwhile, Ross asks Rachel to make a list of pros and cons about him. (S2, E09) 
10:30Friends: Season 2 The One With Russ While dating a guy named Russ, Rachel can't see his uncanny resemblance to Ross. Meanwhile, Monica gets back together with "fun Bobby". (S2, E10) 
11:00Friends: Season 2 The One With The Lesbian Wedding Monica caters the wedding of Ross's ex-wife and her lesbian lover. Meanwhile, Rachel's mum comes to visit with news that she is divorcing her father. (S2, E11) 
11:30Friends: Season 2 The One After the Superbowl (1): Ross travels to San Diego to visit Marcel, his monkey. Meanwhile, Joey is stalked by a rather attractive fan of his TV show. Guest stars Brooke Shields. (S2, E12) 
12:00Scrubs My Own Personal Practise Guy J.D. befriends a private practise doctor whom Dr. Cox loathes. Turk and Dr. Kelso find alternative means of letting off work tension. Jay Leno cameos. (S2, E17) 
12:30Scrubs My T.C.W. J.D. goes on a date with the wife of a long-term coma patient, insecure Elliot tries to spice up her sex life, and Dr. Cox competes with baby Jack for Jordan's attention. (S2, E18) 
13:00Scrubs My Kingdom J.D. starts his surgical practice and would do anything to be one of the gang, and anything does include selling out his best friend! Dr. Cox plays a prank on Dr. Kelso. (S2, E19) 
13:30Scrubs My Interpretation J.D. has second thoughts about his relationship with Jamie, Turk is concerned by a sexy dream about Elliot, and Dr. Cox attempts to bond with Jordan's baby - is it his? (S2, E20) 
13:55Impractical Jokers The guys compete head-to-head as toy inventors and must get strangers to approve emails written by the other guys. In a crowded mall's food court, tonight's loser faces their punishment. (S10, E21) 
14:25Impractical Jokers: Inside Jokes Which Jokers possess impressive scooter skills? Why did Sal change his phone number after the Beach Bums challenge? What did Q fear the most when facing down an alligator? (S2, E02) 
14:55Takeshi's Castle The guards give a push to another group of contestants on Flying Mushroom as they attempt to reach the castle. Who will make it to the final attack? Narrated by Jonathan Ross. (S2, E04) 
15:30Most Ridiculous Kids Narrated by Radio 1 DJ Greg James, Most Ridiculous seeks out the stupidest and most insane videos ever found online. This episode focuses on those little blighters commonly known as kids. (S1, E05) 
16:00Friends: Season 2 The One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies: Joey's soap opera character gets dropped down an elevator shaft after Joey brags of writing his own lines in an interview. (S2, E18) 
16:30Friends: Season 2 The One Where Eddie Won't Go Chandler demands that his bizarre new roommate, Eddie, moves out, but he doesn't seem to get the message. (S2, E19) 
17:00Friends: Season 2 The One Where Old Yeller Dies Phoebe's world view is shattered when she learns how "Old Yeller" really ends. Monica becomes jealous when Richard starts hanging with Joey and Chandler. (S2, E20) 
17:30Friends: Season 2 The One With The Bullies Chandler and Ross run into two bullies at the coffee shop, one of whom steals Chandler's hat. Meanwhile, Phoebe meets a brother she never knew she had. (S2, E21) 
18:00Friends: Season 2 The One With Two Parties Complications ensue when Rachel's estranged parents show up at the surprise party that the gang planned for her. (S2, E22) 
18:30Friends: Season 2 The One With The Chicken Pox Phoebe catches chicken pox from the baby just as her navy boyfriend (special guest-star Charlie Sheen) surfaces for the first time in two years. (S2, E23) 
19:00Friends: Season 2 The One With Barry & Mindy's Wedding Rachel agrees to be maid of honour at her ex-fiancÚ's wedding. Monica ponders her future with Richard after he tells her he doesn't want children. (S2, E24) 
19:30Friends: Season 3 The One With The Princess Leia Fantasy Ross reveals a fantasy to Rachel involving a certain "Star Wars" character. Meanwhile, Monica suffers from insomnia after her breakup with Richard. (S3, E01) 
20:00Big Momma's House 2 Film After his mentor is killed, an FBI agent (Martin Lawrence) reprises his disguise as a fat old lady and takes a job as a nanny in a crime suspect's house. (2006) 
22:00New: Lip Sync Battle Celebrities pair up to do battle using lip sync as their weapon, and the audience is the judge! Pop icon Ricky Martin squares off against supermodel Kate Upton. (S3, E13) 
22:30New: RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars The queens impersonate celebrities in a quick-witted TV game show. Fashion designer Marc Jacobs stops by the workroom. Kristin Chenoweth (Wicked) and Nicole Byer (Girl Code) guest judge. (S3, E04) 
23:30Roast Battle Hosted by Jimmy Carr, with judges Russell Brand and Katherine Ryan. Love Island takes on I'm A Celeb with Iain Stirling vs. Joel Dommett, also Paul Chowdhry vs. Fin Taylor. (S1, E05) 
00:00Lesbian Vampire Killers Film Their women having been enslaved by the local pack of lesbian vampires, the menfolk of a rural town send two hapless young lads (James Corden & Mathew Horne) out onto the moors as a sacrifice. (2009) 
01:40South Park Pre-School The boys are pooping their pants after hearing that Trent, a notorious bully from their pre-school years, is being released from juvenile hall - guess who put him there? (S8, E10) 
02:05South Park Quest For Ratings When the gang's school news programme trails far behind Craig's show, "Animals Close-Up With a Wide-Angle Lens", they pledge to boost their ratings - how far will they go? (S8, E11) 
02:35South Park Stupid Spoiled Wh**e Video Playset Paris Hilton opens a store in South Park, corrupting the town's girls in the process. It's up to Mr Slave to put things right - time for a "Wh**e off!" (S8, E12) 
03:00South Park Cartman's Incredible Gift Cartman jumps off his roof while wearing cardboard wings and ends up in a coma. When he awakens he believes he has psychic powers - and the police believe it too! (S8, E13) 
03:25The Cleveland Show BFFs Cleveland is upset when he finds out that his friend Peter Griffin came to Stoolbend and did not call him. In an effort to bond with the guys, Cleveland takes them on a camping trip. (S3, E01) 
03:50The Cleveland Show The Hurricane! When a storm hits Stoolbend, Cleveland Jr. makes a shocking proclamation: He doesn't believe in God. (S3, E02) 
04:15Two And A Half Men Keith Moon Is Vomiting In His Grave Jake's new friend Eldridge proves to be a bad influence when he makes Jake steal beer from Charlie. Alan finds Eldridge's mother, Lyndsey, attractive...(S7, E19) 
04:35Two And A Half Men This Is Not Gonna End Well Charlie loses his driving licence so Jake has to drive him around. Alan goes to Chelsea's birthday party and Charlie sends Jake in to the house on his behalf. (S7, E22) 
05:00Teleshopping Teleshopping. 
06:00Teleshopping Teleshopping.