This week's UK TV & radio

Congratulations on being true to the origins of web browsing. These fancy new browsers supporting web standards, such as CSS, just detract from the pure accessibility goodness of this site.

Saturday : Sunday : Monday : Tuesday : Wednesday : Thursday : Friday : Saturday

Listings for Paramount on Saturday, October 28 2017

06:00Teleshopping Teleshopping. 
08:00The Middle The Second Act Frankie contemplates a new career after Mr Ehlert lets her go, Sue mentors a popular freshman girl, and Mike considers punishing Brick for his rudeness. (S4, E03) 
08:35The Middle Bunny Therapy The Hecks get Brick a pet rabbit to help his social skills, Sue tries out for school mascot, and Axl doesn't know which cheerleader he's dating. (S4, E04) 
09:00The Middle Please Don't Feed The Hecks Frankie finds a way to get free and tasty meals from her neighbour Nancy, meanwhile Axl gets a new job as the school bus driver. (S9, E02) 
09:35Life In Pieces Interruptus Date Breast Movin' Jen hires a breast-feeding consultant couple, Heather and Tim move to a new home with the help of ex-cons, and Joan attempts a family therapy session. (S1, E02) 
10:00Impractical Jokers: Joketober See classic, fan-favourite episodes with shareable pop-up facts throughout. Find out which famed actor the guys wanted as the voice of "Impractical Jokers'' and Sal's toughest punishment. (S1, E13) 
10:30Impractical Jokers: Joketober See classic episodes with pop-up facts throughout. This episode features the joker infamous for accidentally destroying things on set and Murr's crotch gets a massage in a deleted scene. (S1, E14) 
11:00Impractical Jokers: Joketober Inside Jokes packs classic, fan-favourite episodes of the show with shareable pop-up facts directly from the Jokers, giving viewers a unique and unprecedented look behind the curtain. (S1, E15) 
11:35Takeshi's Castle One hundred contestants are gearing up in an attempt to storm Takeshi's Castle. Taking on Runaway Rockaway, they'll have to prove they've got what it takes. Jonathan Ross narrates. (S1, E01) 
12:05My Wife And Kids Jr. Kyle, Boy Genius: After receiving Jr.'s SATs score results (a perfect 1600), the Kyles believe they have a genius in the house and start treating him more respectfully. (S2, E23) 
12:35My Wife And Kids Back Story When the kids tease him about getting old, Michael pretends to have hurt his back in a game of Twister so they will have to cater to his every whim. (S2, E24) 
13:05My Wife And Kids Make Over Jay and Michael are grocery shopping when they run into Susan Green, former cheerleader from their high school. (S2, E25) 
13:35My Wife And Kids The Bowling Show The Tylers and The Kyles go at it in a game of bowling. (S2, E26) 
14:05Friends The One With The Free Porn The guys realise their TV is picking up a porno station for free, and Phoebe discovers she's carrying triplets. (S4, E17) 
14:35Friends The One With Rachel's New Dress Phoebe gets to name one of her babies which leads to Joey telling Chandler that he has a terrible name. Rachel's plan to seduce her boyfriend goes awry. (S4, E18) 
15:05Friends The One With All The Haste Monica and Rachel will do anything to get their old apartment back from the guys. Meanwhile, Ross spontaneously pops the question to Emily. (S4, E19) 
15:40Friends The One With All The Wedding Dresses Monica has an aspirational phase of wearing Emily's wedding dress. Meanwhile, Chandler forces Joey to get treatment for his snoring at a sleep clinic. (S4, E20) 
16:10Friends The One With The Invitation The friends get invitations to Ross's wedding, but not all of them are going. Ross and Rachel reminisce separately about when they dated each other. (S4, E21) 
16:40Friends The One With The Worst Best Man Ever After Joey almost loses Ross' wedding ring, Ross asks both Joey and Chandler to be his best man. Meanwhile, the girls host a baby shower for Phoebe. (S4, E22) 
17:10Friends The One With Ross's Wedding (1): Most of the gang are in London for Ross' wedding. After talking with Phoebe, Rachel realizes she still loves Ross, resulting in a spontaneous decision...(S4, E23) 
17:45Friends The One With Ross's Wedding (2): Phoebe tries to warn the gang that Rachel is coming to London to declare her love to Ross. Meanwhile, Ross and Emily's parents are quarrelling over money. (S4, E24) 
18:20Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Film When the dolphin mascot of Miami's NFL team is abducted, zany private investigator Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey) and Dolphins representative Melissa (Courteney Cox) close in on the culprits. (1994) 
20:00Impractical Jokers The guys work in pairs giving presentations about living life to its fullest, and pose as janitors giving responses to questions and statements over walkie-talkies. (S10, E10) 
20:30Impractical Jokers: Joketober See classic episodes with shareable pop-up facts throughout. Joe sweats it when his wife pops up in a challenge and secret footage of his bachelor party makes it into the show. (S1, E16) 
21:00Jeff Dunham: Minding The Monsters Enter the ultimate haunted house as ventriloquist Jeff Dunham brings together your favourite characters as you've never seen them before. A show that's so funny, it's scary! 
22:00Lip Sync Battle Two incredibly talented actresses step into the LSB arena for an action-packed competition, but only one will emerge with the championship belt. (S3, E04) 
22:30Your Face or Mine Jimmy Carr and Katherine Ryan host the gameshow that puts couples to the test. Hazen and Alicia will be forced to judge all kinds of faces for the chance to win thousands of pounds. (S2, E04) 
23:00Scary Movie 2 Film Four teens, including Cindy Campbell and Brenda Meeks, are tricked by their professor into visiting a haunted house for a school project. Anna Faris, Marlon Wayans, and Tim Curry star. (2001) 
00:35Chris Ramsey's Stand Up... ...Central. Live from Camden's Electric Ballroom, Chris Ramsey performs stand-up, and introduces guests. Tonight he's joined by panel show-er Rose Matafeo and the perceptive Dane Baptiste. (S1, E05) 
01:05Rick and Morty Anatomy Park On a special Christmas episode, Rick and Morty try to save the life of a homeless man. Meanwhile, Jerry's parents visit, and the family bonds. (S1, E03) 
01:35South Park The boys are back as South Park returns with brand new episodes, exclusive to Comedy Central! Season 21 sees the unrivalled comedy still as crude, rude and relevant as ever. 
01:05South Park Safe Space When Cartman starts getting fat shamed on the 'net, P.C. Principle steps in to save the day - with the help of Steven Seagal! Meanwhile, Randy is enduring some charity shaming. (S19, E05) 
01:35South Park Tweek x Craig When Craig and Tweek are outed as gay, they're as surprised as everyone else! Sounds like it's time for Cartman's cupid self to work his magic... and maybe on Cartman too! (S19, E06) 
02:00South Park Naughty Ninjas When Officer Barbrady gets trigger happy there's some major consequences. The boys are playing ninja in Shi Tpa Town but get mistaken for some other black clad baddies... (S19, E07) 
02:20South Park Sponsored Content Jimmy's integrity as a newsman runs smack into PC Principal's ideology. Meanwhile, Presidential candidate Mr Garrison is approached by an old friend with alarming news. (S19, E08) 
02:45Legends of Chamberlain... ...Heights. My Father The Zero: Grover's house gets shaken up when his long-lost father returns, and Milk and Jamal start going to a Koren spa in the hopes of getting a happy ending. (S2, E07) 
03:05TripTank Steve struggles to control his urges around the office, a children's cereal mascot runs into some rotten kids, and Jeff tries to prevent a horrific future. (S2, E03) 
03:30Bob's Burgers Full Bars The kids skip their normal trick-or-treat route for Halloween and decide to go to a posh neighborhood, Kingshead Island, as they distribute full-sized candy bars. (S3, E02) 
03:50Bob's Burgers Fort Night Louise, Gene, and Tina go out on Halloween, but end up being held captive in their own fort. All the while being tormented by Millie, a psychotic classmate of Louise's. (S4, E02)