This week's UK TV & radio

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Listings for Paramount on Thursday, December 14 2017

06:00Teleshopping Teleshopping. 
08:00The Middle Pam Freakin' Staggs: Pam Staggs (Kirstie Alley), a former classmate of Frankie's who moved to St. Louis after winning a million dollars, looks up Frankie upon returning to town. (S6, E10) 
08:35The Middle A Quarry Story Sue gets a janitorial job at the quarry, but starts a party with a picture posted online, Brick quizzes the Hecks with game show scenarios, and Big Mike supplies a new sink. (S6, E11) 
09:00The Middle Hecks on a Train: After learning that Aunt Edie has passed away, the Hecks board a train with the body to take her to her final resting place. Axl believes he was responsible for her death. (S6, E12) 
09:30The Middle Valentine's Day VI Brick learns that his quirky girlfriend wants him to kiss her on Valentine's Day. Axl struggles with the fact that his girlfriend doesn't want to do anything romantic. (S6, E13) 
10:00Friends: Christmas The One With The Routine Joey plots the perfect opportunity to kiss Janine on a New Year's Eve dance show. Ross and Monica resurrect their high school dance routine for the broadcast. (S6, E10) 
10:30Friends: Christmas The One With The Holiday Armadillo Ross dresses up as an Armadillo to try and teach Ben about Hanukkah. Meanwhile, Phoebe worries that Rachel wants to continue living with Joey. (S7, E10) 
11:00Friends The One With Ross's Thing Ross finds a strange growth on his buttocks and Phoebe can't choose between two guys. Meanwhile, Monica's boyfriend surprises her by not proposing...(S3, E23) 
11:30Friends The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion Phoebe sets Ross up on a date with a woman who used to be bald. Robin Williams and Billy Crystal guest star. (S3, E24) 
12:00Friends The One At The Beach The gang goes to the beach. Phoebe meets a family friend with links to her family's past and Ross discovers that Rachel still loves him. (S3, E25) 
12:30Friends The One With The Jellyfish Ross dates Rachel again after unwittingly agreeing to take responsibility for their breakup. Meanwhile, Monica gets stung by a jellyfish. (S4, E01) 
13:00Impractical Jokers The guys must explain their off-colour resumes while applying for a job at a mobile phone shop, and complete a series of bizarre gestures at the ferry. (S6, E16) 
13:30Impractical Jokers Joe, Sal, Murr, and Q take their talents to Miami, pulling all new pranks on the beach. The guys zip around on scooters controlled by the other Jokers, and the loser has a cold blooded fate. (S7, E01) 
14:00Friends The One With The Cat Phoebe believes that the cat that jumped into her guitar case in Central Perk contains the spirit of her adoptive mum. (S4, E02) 
14:30Friends The One With The 'Cuffs: Monica tries to prove that she can cater a gourmet meal for her mother. Meanwhile, Chandler gets into an embarrassing situation while dating Rachel's boss. (S4, E03) 
15:00Friends: Christmas The One With Ross' Step Forward: Ross freaks out when Mona wants to send out joint Christmas cards which leads to her wanting to have "the talk" about their relationship. (S8, E11) 
15:30Friends: Christmas The One With Christmas in Tulsa When Chandler has to spend Christmas in Tulsa, Monica suspects the worst when she discovers that he will be joined by a beautiful co-worker, Wendy. (S9, E10) 
16:00My Wife And Kids Sweetheart's Day Jay announces that Saturday is Sweethearts Day, a holiday she made up solely for Michael to buy her diamonds. (S5, E14) 
16:30My Wife And Kids Silence Is Golden Michael reluctantly accompanies Jay on a meditation weekend, where he has trouble following the rule of silence. (S5, E15) 
17:00Friends The One With The Dirty Girl Ross's new girlfriend seems nearly perfect until he discovers that her apartment is incredibly dirty. Chandler becomes more familiar with Joey's girlfriend. (S4, E06) 
17:30Friends The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line Chandler is guilt-ridden after kissing Kathy. Ross starts playing the keyboard again and everyone apart from Phoebe thinks he's terrible. (S4, E07) 
18:00Friends The One With Chandler In A Box On Thanksgiving, Joey punishes Chandler for kissing Kathy and Monica gets a surprise when she visits an eye doctor who turns out to be Richard's son. (S4, E08) 
18:30Friends The One Where They're Going To Party! The guys try to be spontaneous and wild and Monica must decide between a steady job as head chef of a restaurant or her catering business with Phoebe. (S4, E09) 
19:00Friends: Christmas The One With The Routine Joey plots the perfect opportunity to kiss Janine on a New Year's Eve dance show. Ross and Monica resurrect their high school dance routine for the broadcast. (S6, E10) 
19:30Friends: Christmas The One With The Holiday Armadillo Ross dresses up as an Armadillo to try and teach Ben about Hanukkah. Meanwhile, Phoebe worries that Rachel wants to continue living with Joey. (S7, E10) 
20:00New: Takeshi's Castle It's muddy, it's manic, it's Takeshi's Castle. One hundred new recruits face the swinging Human Velcro and the bonkers Knock Knock before taking on the Final Fall and attack the castle. (S1, E08) 
20:30Impractical Jokers: Inside Jokes Inside Jokes packs classic, fan-favourite episodes of the show with shareable pop-up facts directly from the Jokers, giving viewers a unique and unprecedented look behind the curtain. (S1, E25) 
21:00There's Something About Mary Film With help from sleazy P.I. Pat Healy (Matt Dillon), angst-driven Ted (Ben Stiller) finds his prom date crush Mary (Cameron Diaz). But Healy decides he wants her for himself... (1998) 
23:30Lee Evans: Big - Live At The O2 Stand-up legend Lee Evans is in cracking form for this sold out gig at the O2 arena where he describes his late-night supermarket trips and explains the way he treats his daughter's boyfriends! 
00:30Da Ali G Show It's up to Ali G to turn the tables in the Third World... with turntables. Ali goes behind the scenes of US TV, and Roy Hattersley and Chrissie Hynde join Ali on the show. (S1, E04) 
01:05Impractical Jokers Joe, Sal, Murr, and Q take their talents to Miami, pulling all new pranks on the beach. The guys zip around on scooters controlled by the other Jokers, and the loser has a cold blooded fate. (S7, E01) 
01:30New: The Daily Show Brand new. Joining Trevor tonight is Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, talking about his new book 'Hit Refresh: The Quest to Rediscover Microsoft's Soul and Imagine a Better Future for Everyone'. 
02:00South Park Splatty Tomato There are "stranger things" going on in South Park, and President Garrison seems to be the cause. Meanwhile, The White family aren't happy with the P.C. teachings going on. (S21, E10) 
02:30Rick and Morty Something Ricked This Way Comes Rick goes to battle with the devil, and Summer gets upset about it. Plus Jerry helps Morty with his science fair project. (S1, E09) 
03:00South Park 1% When Cartman's lack of fitness starts impacting on the "99%" of kids at South Park Elementary, he has to deal with some too-close-to-home revenge killings. (S15, E12) 
03:25South Park A History Channel Thanksgiving When the boys try to learn all about Thanksgiving from The History Channel they get caught up in a mystery involving aliens, Natalie Portman and stuffing! (S15, E13) 
03:50South Park The Poor Kid Kenny's parents are arrested and he is put in foster care - leaving Cartman as the poorest kid in school! Meanwhile, the mysterious masked figure Mysterion returns. (S15, E14) 
04:15Two And A Half Men Prostitutes and Gelato Charlie and Alan must confront their "daddy issues" when Evelyn's new boyfriend, Teddy, invites them to Las Vegas on his private jet. Robert Wagner guest-stars. (S4, E24) 
04:35Two And A Half Men Media Room Slash Dungeon Charlie acts strange after spending an evening with his mother, and a woman Alan sleeps with behaves oddly the next morning. Jeanene Garofalo guest-stars. (S5, E02) 
05:00Teleshopping Teleshopping. 
06:00Teleshopping Teleshopping.